The Grief That Lingers

Linger.

Anyone grieving the loss of a loved one understands the word linger. Even though they may even begin to despise it, the grieving person still knows it.

Linger.

Webster’s defines “linger” as “to be slow in parting”. That’s the way it is when it comes to processing our thoughts, our feelings, and our emotional responses to death. They seem to be ever so slow in parting and just when you think you’ve hit a milestone, a wave of memories returns and it feels like you’re at day one all over again. This alone brings with it yet another wave of frustrations and anxieties.

As I’m sure you’ve been told before, let me say that it’s true: Things do get better.   That bears repeating for your eyes and ears, “things do get better!”  In this new reality without your loved one, our gracious heavenly Father meets us in our deepest times, reminding us of His love, care, and faithfulness in our lives.

Immediately upon the death of a loved one, our faithful and merciful God rushes in with His comfort, healing, and help. For the true follower of Jesus, He keeps His promise to never leave or forsake you. He hasn’t. He won’t. Ever.

Even as the walls of loneliness and isolation seem to cave in around you, you’re not alone in the middle of your pain, even if others around you don’t seem to understand you all that much.

Let’s face this fact: as believers, born, raised and born again in Western culture, we have been fed a lie that ‘men don’t cry’. Of course we’ve learned a lot of lies, but that’s the phrase that best highlights this attitude of, “get up and move on”.  Unfortunately both men and women have been taught to ‘get over it’. Believe me, we all desire to move on in our grief, but the feelings linger. The memories are so ‘slow in parting’.

When it comes to trials in life, we’ve become accustomed to seeing them have a very predictable beginning, a middle, and an end. Oh the glorious end, often experienced right here on earth. One thing that stumbles us is that grief has a long middle, that doesn’t end on earth but rather in heaven. It’s a glorious end no doubt, but one yet to be experienced! What does this do to those around us? It frustrates them. Life moves on for them while grief tends to linger for us causing a small but significant disconnect in our relationships.

If you’re noticing this ‘lingering’ in your life, know that you’re normal. It’s normal for the grief feelings to linger and be slow to part. While it’s normal, I know personally it’s not fun. So run to the One who loves you and hide in His merciful love. He isn’t done with you. Far from it. He doesn’t judge you as Jesus took the full weight and penalty of our sins upon Himself! He loves you, understands you, and cares for you.

The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he understands how weak we are; he knows we are only dust. Psalms 103:13-14 (NLT)