After the death of a loved one, it’s normal not ever to want to attend another memorial service for the rest of your life. It seems like it’s not worth the risk of stirring up all those painful emotions again, especially when you’ve experienced so much healing on your own grief journey. Friend, it’s always worth the risk to support a hurting family in their time of sorrow. No matter what feelings get stirred up in your heart and mind, the Lord will be faithful to comfort you through it.
2 Corinthians 1:3–7 (NLT) “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.”
Not too long ago, Marie and I attended the memorial service of the brother of a good friend of ours by watching it online. We couldn’t fly out and attend, but the church live-streamed the gathering, and we are grateful for that. He died at age 50, suddenly and without warning. His sudden death brought great pain to countless others: his parents, his siblings, his wife, his children, and his church family. So, so many are hurting. The church where they celebrated his life was full of hundreds upon hundreds of grieving friends and family. It was evidence of his life’s eternal impact on so many for Jesus.
Psalm 116:15 (NKJV) “Precious in the sight of the Lord Is the death of His saints.”
Peter was Christlike and admirable in how He loved God and loved His neighbor. He was known to help others at the drop of a hat, at his own expense, whenever asked. He would reply when thanked, “I know you would do the same for me.” That was encouraging. By the time the memorial ended, I wished I had met and known him. He was that kind of man.
I am drawn to this family, especially his mom and dad. I can’t help it. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Parents aren’t supposed to stand at a pulpit expressing their love for a child who died far too soon. We know the Bible’s clear teaching that deaths, even sudden ones, are no surprise to God. But they are huge surprises to us! They rock our worlds in ways that we were not designed to face. We know that death is an enemy that Jesus clearly overcame. Yet, the pain, the sorrow, and the grief that comes are real and complex. We grieve, yes, but not like those who have no hope.
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (NKJV) “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.”
I watched with great sorrow how his dad gave glory to God while expressing his deep pain and loss. It’s a surreal moment.
For those of you who are grieving, you take a huge risk attending or watching a memorial service. It’s like you are faced with feeling the pain of every single person in that room, on top of the grief memories that get stirred up in your own heart. It’s the risk you take. It’s worth it. Go to the memorial next time and encourage the family. The Lord will meet you there and be with you when it’s over.
Tears came and went as we watched the service. We are praying for the family and for ourselves.
We are eagerly awaiting the soon return of Jesus when all things will be made new.
Psalm 139:15–16 (NKJV) “My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”
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1 Thessalonians 4:13–18 (NKJV) “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.”
